Also not the most sciencey person and luckily Emily explains really complicated concepts in an easy to apply way I really think this book could change ur culture s whole idea The Counts Blackmail Bargain of sexuality in a way that creates pleasure for everyone 2 stars Meh JustkI love the concept behind this book and it started Conscious off very interesting and introduced several factsf which I was not previously aware Unfortunately it then became a long repetitive read with the bulk majority f the information being mostly common sense and started to feel like a self help book vs a nonfiction book n a fascinating topic I found myself doing a lot Chosen by the Alien Lord (Rusneon Mates, of skimmingn the back half wondering if there would be another interesting chapter coming up like the start Violentology of the book but the back 75% was rather dull for me Worth a read if you feel clueless in this area Favorite uote Women have cultural permission to criticizeurselves but we are punished if we praise urselves if we dare to say that we like urselves the way we areFirst Sentence To be a sex educator is to be asked uestions All right so this is not the book I thought it was when I got it and I apologise for a rating that would surely be higher if I were part Latin Lovers Greek Husbands Bundle of the target audience I was hoping it was a surveyf the latest scientific research into arousal disorders and sexuality in fact it s a very selective presentation The Forgotten of those piecesf research that are considered helpful in promoting women s sexual well being autonomy and pleasure Studies however revealing which do not promote such things are ignored In First Night Memories (Rot Ruin, other words the book is primarily therapy not science Perhaps not surprising given that the author is a sex therapist but I hadn t realised that I thought she was a researcherI ve been very intentional about the empirical details I ve includedr excluded I asked myself Does this fact help women have better sex lives r is it just a totally fascinating and important empirical puzzle And I cut the puzzlesThis means that although there is some useful information here it is interspersed with a lot f rather irritating vaguely encouraging bullshit about living with confidence and joy inside your body reassurances that you are all normal all beautiful and exhortations to listen with your heart not with your fear Naturally as a British passport holder I cannot read this stuff without feeling my toes clench and my testicles retract into my body and the narrative tone doesn t help either Nagoski writes in the earnest chatty way The Shadowhunters Codex of someone trying to write a book for people who don t read books with lotsf forcedly collouial comments like Wait what and For realsie real OK fine I am clearly not the target audience I get that but for me it gets incredibly grating when every hint The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs of scientific information is hedged around with encouragements and stupid metaphors andpen condescension before a section Damnable Grace: Hades Hangmen Series, Book 5 on the hedonic centresf the mesolimbic cortex which Nagoski calls your emotional One Ring she warns It gets pretty nerdy here Ready Okay and afterwards pats us n the head by asking Did you make it Phew That was the hard part Nice job Gee thanks Dr NagoskiAristophanes in Plato s Symposium and for those f you who very understandably just fell asleep replace that with the song The Origin f Love from John Cameron Mitchell s Hedwig and the Angry Itch ffers this parable about why humans love Really What I found so infuriating about all this is the implied gendering Play Something Dancy of her tone it s somehow pitched at a certain ideaf women as though they have no interest in hard science and need their research presented in the form Stella of a Cosmo uiz It s reallyutrageous I don t know if I should be taking it as some reflection Phoebe and Her Unicorn Activity Book on the statef US science education but the total horror The Tenant of any scientific terminology combined with the girlfriends chattingver a Manhattan tone just left a really bad taste in the mouth Men come Unstoppable (Tracers, off no better Nagoski writes that she has to translate the sciencef women s sexual well being into Manly Fix It Dude Speak to talk to her clients partnersThe reason this is so frustrating is that the actual research presented is pretty important and in some cases not so well known The two presiding ideas in the book I think are the concept The Moon and the Thorn of responsive v spontaneous desire and the dual control modelf sexual arousal The terms responsive desire and spontaneous desire have been floating around for ver a decade now I think the key paper was Basson et al 2003 although Nagoski says they were coined by Ellen Laan and Stephanie Both which may be true Laan is ne The Schooled Society of the authorsf that paper The basic idea is that while some people can get turned Nude Pussy Amateur Girls Closeup Erotic Photo Book Full Nudity Uncensored Striptease Pictures with sexy Girls: Horny nude girl photography on while walking down the streetr doing the dishes for Whooo-Ku others it s something thatnly happens in response to situations that have already been made explicitly erotic Arousal first desire secondThe disparity between these different kinds Kayla Eli Discover Jazz of desire isf course behind a lot Oxford Examined of relationship stresses whence Nagoski s clinical interest For her what s important here is to pointut that responsive desire is perfectly OK and is not the same as low desire A woman can be perfectly normal and healthy and never experience spontaneous sexual desire Instead she may experience responsive desire in which her desire emerges Einsteins Generation only in a highly erotic contextShe writes a woman and there may well be a sex divide Nagoski estimatesn somewhat shaky data because research into this is limited that five percent Engendering Song of men and thirty percentf women have responsive desire compared with seventy five percent Come Hell or High Water of men and five percentf women whose desire is spontaneous This leaves most women and twenty percent The Great Railway Bazaar of men whose desire style changes basedn the context a rather large amount which does slightly throw the whole model into uestion Asexuality is not addressed Nagoski is understandably worried about the idea that sexual desire which differs from the male norm is pathologised as broken Rue Marquis De Sade or defective in some way something to be fixed by taking a so far mythical pill she wrote anp ed piece for the New York Times back in February Five Farthings on this subjectIt s all good stuff and it s certainly a vocabulary that people should have at their disposal However it should be noted thatther models My Rocky Romance Diary (Diaries of Kelly Ann, of sexual desire are available It s also worth saying that all we are really doing here is playing semantics Thinking about responsive desire as a thing might help people to feel better about themselves and not to feel broken which is good and they re not but it doesn t really say anything about what s actually goingn What affects whether desire is spontaneous Historias de cronopios y de famas or responsive Hormones Neurology Upbringing CultureThis semantics issue is something the whole book suffers from same goes for her long and heartfelt rant about why we do not have a sex drive but rather an incentive motivation system For the lifef me after reading that section several times I couldn t work Pope Francis out what the difference was supposed to be Even than responsive desire Nagoski is excited about something called the Dual Control Modelf Arousal This is the idea developed by two researchers at the Kinsey Institute in 2006 the paper s here and essentially what it does is to consider libido in terms Redemption (Amos Decker, of those psychosomatic processes that promote sexual arousal and in termsf those that restrain it The paper posits a Sexual Excita. Er thought possible and Come as You Are explains it allThe first lesson in this essential transformative book by Dr Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her wn uniue sexuality like a fingerprint and that women vary than men in ur anatomy Harry Potter Series Box Set (Harry Potter, our sexual response mechanisms and the wayur bodies respond to the sexual world So we never need to judge The Sheiks Love Child ourselves basedn The Zoo Story others’ experiences Because women vary and that’s normalSecond lesson sex happens in a context And all the complicationsf everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s
It s hard not to love a book with a pseudo vagina Ghachar Ghochar on the front it s even harder not to love that same book for smashing all the preconceived ideas we have about female and by comparison male sexuality Like for example did you know that the hymen as an indicationf virginity is entirely a social construction and there is no scientific evidence backing it Using actual real science Dr Emily Nagoski a speak the truth and The Most Eligible Lord in London (The Lords of London only the truth sex educatorprofessor breaks down all the things we think we know about sex and desire and drive and in the process makes you feel like not are you normal but we re ALL normal As she saysver and The King of Crows (The Diviners, over andver We re all made up Captives of the same basic parts justrganized differently In ther words there is no normal This is a game changer f a human sexuality book not just for women who have always been told that men s sexuality is the default HINT it s not but for men who love women and don t understand why the things that work for them don t work for women Justjust go buy this Buy this and read it and try not to be that weird person pushing a sex book Silent Surrender (Nighthawk Island, on every single lady person you know Because these are all lessons we need to learn Better for us better for everyone Rachel Manwillfrom The Best Books We Read in April Books like this are why I LOVE non fictionThis should be reuired readingn female sexuality both for those with vaginas and those who are interested in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (Read-Along Storybook and CD) or love someone with a vagina I mention the parts here because they ARE a big componentf the book This is a guide to how everyone has the same parts rearranged differently and it s Utamaro our perceptionf that and relationship with that mentality that changes Latin Lovers Greek Husbands Bundle our feelings perceptions and experiencesf sex itself Nagoski writes in an empowering encouraging fun and yes FUNNY manner I would hand this to every single woman I know For me the biggest take away the moment which took this from really good to Lohnarbeit und Klassenbildung outstanding was her discussionn body image n body weight and how it is ur culture plus some that screws us up so bad In short it s the patriarchy that smashes female desire love and interest in sex and in their Hidden Witness (Return to Ravesville own sexual beings and experiences We accept male as default forgetting that also means women loseut A Passionate Heart/To Kiss A Count/The Runaway Countess over andver and The Earl and the Governess over again Buy thisne Read it Then pass it along Seriously It s THAT good For some women I have no doubt this would be a life changing book I definitely learned some cool stuff things I am pissed that I did not know because patriarchy But I guess I m lucky enough that I don t really need the self help Prima Donna of this book to help with my sex life and this aspect is really the meatf the book Also Nagoski acknowledges that the book is for and about cisgender women so that شرح التعرف لمذهب التصوف -پنج مجلد omission didn t bother me there isn t enough science about trans womenr enby people but I did still feel like it was suited for straight women in long term monogamous relationships which Nagoski doesn t give a disclaimer for like she does the focus n cis women The examples f lesbians didn t really feel like they were specific to those experiences and bi women don t come up at all Single and poly women wouldn t get a lot ut f this that would speak specifically to those experiences either I don t think Plus the metaphors used to explain absolutely everything got to me after a while Ok when I saw the tile Ten Orange Pumpkins of this book it thought probably what everyone else though about this book Ok the introduction and chapter 8 and appendixne might be but the rest is science Amarcord over myth If it did not come so highly recommended from a respected friendf mine from uni I probably would not every given it the first look Read is as some light reading doing her PhD in Psychology So The Lady Elizabeth of course she decided to experimentn her friend to get a male perspective American General on the book So let me get thisut Wishes and Worries of the way first No This is not a collectionf sex stories There are actual case studies They are not written to be provocative but to understand the feeling The Downs Syndrome Handbook or the accelerators and the breaks Thought Emily does uote a numberf scientific theories and is by her Club Dead (Sookie Stackhouse, own admission a nerd no judgement I have been a proud geek for years you do not have to be to understand the book it is written in an easy to read way I found there is a lotf truth to this book and even though it is written primarily for women in mind I think both me men and women can lean a lot from it and will see traits When All Hell Breaks Loose of both in the case studiesI also think there are some very important messages in this book the mainne being the first like and echoed through Hell Fire (Corine Solomon, out the book you are OK You are normal You are not broken Usually when ever we do not fit the moldr something does not live up ut ur expectations SOG onef those three thought does through Seven Bad Ideas our heads thether messages that she tries to show us are the messages we are bombarded with through ut ur lives the that is wrong you should look like this Togo or that is not normal I uite like the ideaf celebrating differences then persecuting people for themThis is a great book with a lot Bikini of insightful theories and science against myth and breaking down some pretty big wall theoriesf sex ans psychology have been linked since Sigmund Freud as some theories have moved n thers we still have so much to learn about in Slakes Limbo others A great book that should be read by everyone and commentedn what you agree with All Clear (All Clear, or disagree with Come As You Are is absolutely the best book I ve ever read not justn sex but Straight Up and Personal: The World According to Grapes on life and well being in general Why read another bookn sex Because Emily describes how your brain and your life work together to create desire and how to experience pleasure joy and confidence with your relationships AND with sex But this isn t the usual sex book with lavish promises The Killing Season (Trail of the Gunfighter, of ecstasy by learning detailed techniuesf where to put this and how to put it there Emily gives you science that feels like a warm soothing hug for all Saving Sweetness of the insecurities you ve ever felt about your body your sex and your relationships and then she describes how to apply science to your life so that you end up with the pleasure joy and confidence To be honest after finishing a draftf this book I felt peace and well being than I d felt in about ten years which is about when I started worrying about my body and sex And it s because Emily is describing how your brain interprets stress and how your body responds because A Great Day for Pup! of that how to actually manage stress without just trying to relax and how you can create a life that your body will respond all kindsf YES to Then add in science about how your brain works with goals and what kind Modern Love of goal you have around your sex life and then you can appreciate how to work with the realityf your life and not just the fantasy Bad Day in Blackrock of what you want your love life to be I ve read Emily s blog for a couple years now but the way she puts everything together and elaboratesn all the science makes everything click in a way that feels reassuring and full f potential I m now reading parts f the draft again and understanding even better how all The Real Deal of the elements work together to build joy and confidence and pleasure It s truly beautifulCome As You Are is the most practical book I ve ever read about sex and with this book and Sheri Winston s Anatomyf Arousal I would never have needed any Nursing Care Plans other bookn sex And I bought hundreds I An essential exploration Caste of why and how women’s sexuality works basedn groundbreaking research and brain science that will radically transform your sex life into The World's Sexiest Bedrooms one filled with confidence and joyResearchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men So where is it Well for reasons this book makes crystal clear that pill will never exist but as a resultf the research that’s gone into it scientists in the last few years have learned about how women’s sexuality works than we ev.
Tion System SES Win Bigly on thene hand and a Sexual Inhibition System SIS Deal Breakers on thether Nagoski calls them the accelerators and the brakes The SES is that part Death Note One-Shot Special (Death Note, Chapter of you that constantly scans your thoughts and the world around you for sexually relevant data the SIS is not inhibitions in the layman s sense but a necessary considerationf negative conseuences The Lynching of Emmett Till of any sexual activity whether medical social psychologicalr whateverConceptualising things in this way turns Tristan Strong Punches a Hole in the Sky (Tristan Strong out to add uite a lotf nuance to how we think about arousal People with arousal problems differ fundamentally in where the issue lies some have a low SES ie not many things actually turn them The Bird Photography Field Guide: The Essential Handbook for Capturing Birds with your digital SLR (English Edition) on in principle whilethers have a very rich SES but just a highly sensitive inhibition system which stops them reacting as fully as they therwise might unless conditions are ideal Similarly sexual risk taking like unprotected sex cheating and so n is sometimes correlated with low SIS and sometimes with abnormally high SESNagoski very sensibly suggests that a prereuisite to Answering Mormons Questions overcoming arousal problems is understandingne s A Heart So Fierce and Broken (Cursebreakers own SES and SIS getting familiar with what exactly it is that turns youn and turns you Sweet Summer and Other Stories off and creating contexts where the former are maximised and the latter minimised There are lotsf interesting studies that bear Queen of the Sea on these ideas in various ways It was found for example that wearing socks made it easier for women torgasm while masturbating in a brain imaging machine This is not because there are sock fetishists than previously appreciated but simply because it s distracting if you have cold feet and depending Beijing coma on your personal SIS little distractionsf this kind can add up fast especially Notso Hotso one presumes when trying to getff inside a brain imaging machineIt s clear that Nagoski wants to back up her ideas by using interviews with her clients to demonstrate how helpful these concepts can be And some interviews like this would indeed have been great books like Brett Kahr s Sex and the Psyche show how well clinical transcripts can work in books Erebus: The Story of a Ship of this kind But pleading confidentiality issues Nagoski instead invents fictional couples who she says are compositesf the many people she has treated in real life and the book is interspersed with transcripts Garro of how these fictional people were fictionally treated Reading these made up conversations with made up couples who nod and gasp appropriately at all her revelations is an exercise in pure frustrationThere were times when I wanted to throw this book across the room and it snly thanks to the good fortune that I was reading it Arabic on my iPad that I was forced to pressn Nevertheless there are small parts Evbu My Love of it that I d like to cutut and circulate to everyone I know so it is an License to Thrill (Spy Girls, odd mix Partsf the book I mean not my iPad Nagoski is after all basically coming from the right place and talking about the right things and she s not afraid Seven Magic Flower Vol. 1 of making some big claims for her field eitherDo I think that living with confidence and joy and respecting everyone s sexual autonomy could play a role in preventing cancer solving the climate crisisr building world peace Yes actuallyNo way I can In Open Spaces one star a book saying something as close to my heart as that And I guess if what you want is something therapeutic rather than just informative then this will fit the bill pretty well Still despite all the interesting material to be uncovered in here it is hard to shakeff the vague feeling that you re getting a lecture Seeing Further on sexual dysfunction from a children s television presenterOct 2015 The information in this book is solid gold A copy should be put in the handsf every person ideally before they ve had sexual contact with another person But BUT The metaphors Dear Lord the metaphors We have sexuality as an accelerator and brakes sexuality as an May Martins Sewing Bible e-short 1 overgrown garden sexuality as a hot water heater complex feelings as a sleeping hedgehog sexual interest as a customers seeking a diner sexual expectations as a touchy monitor tapping her fingernailsur brains as a flock After the Fall: RWBY, Book 1 & of birds and SO MANY OTHERS I CAN T EVEN REMEMBER I understand and applaud what Nagoski is doing in termsf wanting to convey big complicated cognitive functions in relatable prose But it touches a nerve for me when writers anthropomorphize female sexuality I find it infantilizing I m a big girl just tell me what my brain is doing I can read about chemicals and neurons and whatnot I don t need to imagine my brain as a lion and my pelvis as a caveman The Devil Wears Scrubs (Dr. Jane McGill or whateverther nonsense So 5 stars for the content 4 stars for the chatty conversational writing style which did not annoy me but will probably polarize some readers and 1 star for the Shadows Kiss (Immortals After Dark, overworked metaphors Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life is a nonfiction self help book written by sex educator researcher and author Emily Nagoski It educates about a varietyf issues that impact women s sexuality and while some A Is for Ox of it got uite repetitive in mypinion and I didn t uite take away as much new information as I expected to I m glad I read it My favorite part discussed how the model f sexual response is based entirely n how men work and if women fail to be like men they are The Girl with the Louding Voice often not considered sexually normal Any woman can tell you this isn t breaking news but I thought having a whole section themed with you are normal it s the world around you that s broken was incredibly validating I will forever and a day support women who choose the science field and I have a high appreciation for Ms Nagoski s reasons for writing this book in the first place Check itut My favorite uote When people ask me Am I normal They re asking Do I belong The answer is yes You belong in your body You belong in the world You ve belonged since the day you were born this is your home You don t have to earn it by conforming to some externally imposed sexual standard7616 I m actually super excited about this book No shame ladies learning is good Updating review I wrote this review almost five years ago I m cringing at using lady parts I still stick to my five star review it helped me ማዕቀብ open up a lot sexually I still recommend it to everyone whether you identify as manr woman Original reviewI picked up this book because I was interested in the science and emotion connecting woman s sexuality without sounding like a text book Des Tnbres sur la Cte D'Ivoire: Laurent Gbagbo comme une Leon pour le reste de l'Afrique or a Cosmo article This book doesn t just talk about your lady parts it celebrates them a notion I m not familiar with I felt for the first time I got a glimpsef how I am as a woman and how my sexuality is connected to every part The First Immortal of life I think every woman should read this book if it will help a fellow reader understand their body better it s worth reading Even if you don t have sex are a virgin hate sexr have an amazing sex life don t let the title throw you The Worst Best Man off It s a book to celebrate the female body and the emotions and sexuality involved I ll admit I didn t even want to add this book to currently reading listn Goodreads because I was embarrassed There s nothing embarrassing about being a 30 something year ld healthy woman who enjoys sex but I just thought talking about sex was something shameful If I had this book years ago I can t imagine the stress it would have saved me Regardless if the topic f sex makes you blush Nelson Textbook of Pediatrics E-Book or not please read this book. Rousal desire andrgasm Cutting edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life is not what you do in bed r how you do it but how you feel about it Which means that stress mood trust and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it Once you understand these factors and how to influence them you can create for yourself better sex and profound pleasure than you ever thought possibleAnd Emily Nagoski can prove it.